tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38960685767762241052024-03-14T00:53:20.463+07:00JJCa Statement!Andre Bentlagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10867505993776980466noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3896068576776224105.post-3487742657211328782008-01-19T10:51:00.000+07:002008-01-19T10:53:32.180+07:00Jeremy Clarkson quotesOn the Vauxhall Vectra VXR - Clarkson: "There is a word to <br /> describe this car: it begins with "s" and ends with "t" and its <br /> not "soot".<br /> Hammond: "So its fairly terrible then?"<br /> Clarkson: "Oh no...losing your leg is fairly terrible: this is <br /> another league of badness!<br /><br /> "Some say, that he used to throw microwave ovens at homeless <br /> people - and that he, long before anyone else, realised that jade <br /> goody is a racist, pig faced, waste of blood and <br /> organs............a ll we know, is that he's called the Stig!"<br /><br /> On the Suzuki Wagon R "The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like <br /> unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite"<br /><br /> "Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... <br /> That's what gets you."<br /><br /> "The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in <br /> the dashboard blowing at you through a straw"<br /><br /> "Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More <br /> comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?"<br /><br /> "The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater <br /> convertible was Adolf Hitler"<br /><br /> Caravanning Trip "You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't <br /> allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you <br /> aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two <br /> feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by <br /> eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!"<br /><br /> On the Renault Espace "This is the Renault Espace, probably the <br /> best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. <br /> It's like saying "Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the <br /> sexually transmitted diseases."<br /><br /> Mercedes CLS55 "Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less <br /> painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss."<br /> "I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to <br /> places quicker than I do?"<br /><br /> Clarksons highway code on cyclists "Trespassers in the motorcars <br /> domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be <br /> on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough <br /> to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong"<br /><br /> "I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter <br /> from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this <br /> red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy <br /> Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said <br /> was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating Nazi"<br /><br /> "Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe...probably <br /> because they don't have wheel-chair access"<br /><br /> "Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough <br /> affordable cars on the show......so we'll kick off tonight with <br /> the cheapest Ferrari of them all!"<br /><br /> On the Lotus Elise "This car is more fun than the entire french air<br /> force crashing into a firework factory"<br /><br />"Now as you can see I lost the battle to have two engines on the <br /> back because of three very important reasons. One: weight. This is <br /> 600 Lbs and that's the same as having a whole American sitting on <br /> the tailgate..."<br /><br /> "The DB9 has rear seats but no mammal yet created, not even when <br /> God was on the LSD trip that gave us the pink flamingo, could fit <br /> into them."<br /><br /> "Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well- <br /> behaved... for a murderer."<br /><br /> "I dont often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animals <br /> duty to be on my plate at supper time"<br /><br /> "There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality <br /> of stitching... on their face"<br /><br /> "Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really <br /> work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it <br /> so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with <br /> a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face."<br /><br /> "Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it, <br /> if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under the tweed. I do, <br /> and it helps."<br /><br /> "You can't have this car with a diesel. Its like saying I won't go <br /> to stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lapdance, <br /> she's a woman!"<br /><br /> Pointing to a Lamborghini Murcielago... in bright green "During <br /> the break we got complaints that we don't show enough green cars <br /> so here's one..."<br /><br /> Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a <br /> sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the <br /> equivalent of a President.<br /><br /> On the Porsche Cayenne "Honestly, I have seen more attractive <br /> gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with <br /> gingivitis."<br /><br /> "I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a <br /> bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the <br /> couch. If you've got even half a scrotum it's not going to happen."<br /><br /> "We start tonight with the highlight of my childhood. It's the <br /> Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963 and, as you would imagine, <br /> it's full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, <br /> until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now <br /> this for me, when I was little, was like kind of Jordan and <br /> Cameron Diaz in a bath together with a Lightning jet fighter and <br /> lots of jelly."<br /><br /> On the Porsche Caymen S "There are many things I'd rather be doing <br /> than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off <br /> stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean"<br /><br /> "The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician <br /> stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the <br /> air saying there will be no war with Germany"<br /><br /> "America: 250 million wankers living in a country with no word for <br /> wanker"<br /><br /> On the Alfa Romeo Brera "I only have to imagine this in black, <br /> with tan leather and I'm nursing a semi!"<br /><br /> Porsche Boxster "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's <br /> bottom"Andre Bentlagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10867505993776980466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3896068576776224105.post-67685254563328595092008-01-19T10:18:00.000+07:002008-01-19T10:20:36.908+07:00Vroooeemm!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhid9itiD3UiARkv1JvTn926xod4EIV9KYyFa0NRyL-GPBtTZLwb2lhlMGbCfS4QdbXBbbcRHPD6hmTDpqVqv2Ve_sbz171ENJ6BPzTmS_Hy4hSVBqBKI4amnGVYxQuIWzLnPQRASle3dU/s1600-h/photo9.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhid9itiD3UiARkv1JvTn926xod4EIV9KYyFa0NRyL-GPBtTZLwb2lhlMGbCfS4QdbXBbbcRHPD6hmTDpqVqv2Ve_sbz171ENJ6BPzTmS_Hy4hSVBqBKI4amnGVYxQuIWzLnPQRASle3dU/s400/photo9.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5157022210962091138" /></a>Andre Bentlagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10867505993776980466noreply@blogger.com0